Ever since I started writing this newsletter (and my memoir), I’ve acquired a new problem: I can’t seem to finish reading a book. Part of the reason is that I’m too distracted by other people’s newsletters to commit to reading actual books, but another is that a few pages into a book, I seem to land on a quote, get an idea to write about and dash to the computer, inspired - only to pick up another book the next time I feel like reading.
I’m not one to push myself through a book I’m not enjoying; these are all books I’m eager to read and finish. In an effort to do so, for accountability and because I’m always curious to hear what other people are reading, I thought I’d share my guilty list from this month with you. From largest to smallest (though not necessarily longest to shortest), here they are.
Who’s Afraid of Gender? by Judith Butler
OK, this is probably the most forgivable; I’m sure many have given up on Butler’s impenetrable prose before. I am super motivated to read it, though, because I’m desperate to understand why mainstream society feels so threatened by trans people.
Page I got to: p20
Sentences I underlined: So many. Here’s one (yes, this is just one sentence - I warned you about the prose!):
“Although interpreted as a backlash against progressive movements, anti-gender ideology is driven by a stronger wish, namely, the restoration of a patriarchal dream-order where a father is a father; a sexed identity never changes; women, conceived as “born female at birth,” resume their natural and “moral” positions within the household; and white people hold uncontested racial supremacy”.
My plan for finishing the book: To help myself get through the dense writing style, I’ve stuck large post-it notes with my interpretations of the text throughout the part I’ve read so far, including a concept map of all the negative things that those who oppose gender have attributed to “gender as a political agenda”. I’ve also tried to rewrite parts of it in my own words to help me understand the idea; perhaps I’ll collect a few of those “translations” into their own issue of the newsletter one day.
If you want to taste the book before you read it: Read this helpful analysis by
, who situates the book in the context of Butler’s previous writing:Give Me Space But Don’t Go Far: an illustrated memoir by
There is absolutely no excuse for me not having finished this book in one sitting. It is a delightful illustrated memoir about anxiety, the images dance off the page, and the text is the exact opposite of Butler’s when it comes to density.
Page I got to: p19
Sentences I underlined: None, because it’s more about the pictures
My plan for finishing the book: As soon as I send out this newsletter, I’m going to make myself a cup of tea and indulge.
If you want to taste the book before you read it: check out the story behind the adorable cover, and subscribe to Haley’s newsletter!
The Chronology of Water: a memoir by Lidia Yuknavitch
Have you spotted the themes yet? Yes - lots of memoir. This one, by a swimmer, shook me from the first page; I wasn’t quite ready for the content (it starts with the description of a stillbirth). I can’t remember who turned me onto this one, but Roxane Gay “fucking loved this book”, and that’s all I needed to hear. The prose is deliciously lyrical, which is my favorite style, and I love a dark theme.
Page I got to: p41
Sentences I underlined: None, because it’s a library book! But here are 3 really shorts ones I copied into my memoir draft:
“All the events of my life swim in and out between each other. Without chronology. Like in dreams.”
My plan for finishing the book: I have to return it to the library eventually, so hopefully that external pressure will help.
If you want to taste the book before you read it: Nope, you’re just going to have to dive into this one (pun intended).
Hijab Butch Blues: a memoir by Lamya H
My husband and I both read this one for a book club. Well, he read it. I read some of it. This memoir is structured around a queer reading of the Quran - hence the need to be published anonymously. And it’s brilliant. I wish I had finished it for the book club…
Page I got to: p118
Sentences I underlined: None, because I was sharing the book. But what really struck me was how often the author was questioned and given advice by other queers.
My plan for finishing the book: I’m the furthest into this one, so it should be the first one I finish. Theoretically.
If you want to taste the book before you read it: Read this review by
, get 2 more book recommendations, and a delicious recipe as well!Life Isn’t Binary: On Being Both, Beyond, and In-Between by Meg-John Barker and Alex Iantaffi
Confession: as soon as I see a book about being non-binary, I buy it. I figure I need it in order to write my own non-binary memoir. Never mind the fact that these books are a) unread and b) would probably stifle my creativity if I actually read them - I just feel an obsessive urge to acquire them all, just in case one ends up being the exact thing I’m trying to write myself. Here’s one I’ve actually started reading. It applies the concept of non-binariness to sexualities, gender, relationships, bodies, emotions, and thinking.
Page I got to: p37 (I’m still on the sexualities chapter)
Sentences I underlined:
“Even though people often still default to talking about sexual “orientation” in terms of a gay/straight binary, there’s at least a common word for non-binary sexuality: bisexuality.”
WHAT? This sentence blew my mind. I’ve always thought of bisexuality as SO binary, because it implies being attracted to the two binary genders: men and women. As a non-binary person, I had rejected “bisexual” as a label outright, even though I am indeed attracted to more than one gender. To think of bisexual as a non-binary sexuality really reframed it for me. I have an essay brewing on my sexuality, and this revelation will definitely be in there.
My plan for finishing the book: This is going to take a while. Each chapter is chock-full of research and mind-expanding concepts - when I had started to think I knew everything there was to know on being non-binary. I have to read this one a little a time. Also, there is a problem: the “Further Resources” section at the end of each chapter, which is only going to add more reading to my list.
If you want to taste the book before you read it: Both of the authors have a panoply of resources on their websites: Meg-John Barker shares a whole bunch of free books and zines, and Alex Iantaffi has been podcasting for 6 years and is still releasing new episodes.
The Book of Non-Binary Joy: Embracing the Power of YOU by Ben Pechey
This one is all in the title, really. In a somewhat saccharine tone, it gives space for non-binary people to feel happy about ourselves despite the problems of acceptance that we face. I would caution that this one is perhaps best read by those who are in a country where it’s relatively safe to express gender non-conformism.
Page I got to: p31 (I finished the first chapter)
Sentences I underlined: SO MANY OF THEM. There are a lot of pearls in this one.
“To try and hem us in with a set of rules and guidelines is to refute the very existence of non-binary. In trying to understand us, you have erased us.”
My plan for finishing the book: This is another one that I’m going to read a little at a time, firstly because it’s a little too overwhelming in its positivity for me to swallow in one go, but secondly because a lot of it is extremely relevant to my own memoir project, so I’ll be going back and forth reading and writing around this one.
If you want to taste the book before you read it: Ben Pechey’s blog - still updated frequently - is non-binary joy in website form. Their outfits are incredible.
Thank you for reading! I’d love to know - have you finished any of these books? And what books are on your guilty read this month? Post here for accountability!
Thank you for this. I have some recommendations for new books to read and it brightened my day after making the mistake of engaging with a bigot earlier.
Hijab Butch Blues for the win! It's such an amazing book. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
I toyed with the notion of mentioning another for your list but I don't want to be cruel. I may write up a review of it anyway. I collect these things too so I know how this feels...