Trigger warning: Transphobia

and what to read, instead

“Hey, honey, listen to this.” My evening is unfurling as usual: we are on the couch, and I’m about to quote inflammatory anti-gender rhetoric at my husband. (He’s a cis man; he can hold my wrath, I reason). You see, I’m taking a break from reading Judith Butler’s new book, “Who’s Afraid of Gender?”, so when I say “anti-gender” here, I am referring to Judith Butler’s current usage of the term, as in the gender “phantasm” created by those who refuse to actually engage with any gender criticism; a monstrous concept that encompasses all the nefarious consequences that these people attribute to the idea of interrogating gender.

Dear reader, if that’s too much for you to take on right now, here’s an alternative way to read this piece: just skip straight through to the italicized sentences, instead.

I’m never looking for transphobia, but it finds me anyway. To get my break-time dopamine hits, I’m looking for LGBTQIA+ newsletters to subscribe to, but since there is no category for us here, I’m entering relevant terms such as “trans” and “non-binary” into the search. I’m imagining what I might find: Tearjerking stories of acceptance! Community! Trans joy! But rather than that, I’m hit with a wall of vitriolic hate directed at, well, people like me - and it does feel personal! - sometimes from publications that masquerade as “curious” about gender.

Dear reader, I could link to one of those hateful publications, but please check out this effort to gather and promote genuine LGBTQIA+ publications by

Mr. Troy Ford

, instead.

Some of the things I find are absurdly awful, just hateful rants, really, and I try not to engage with those at all. I click to read something that looks more innocent and am slapped in the face with the misgendering and deadnaming of Nex, the non-binary child who recently died after facing bullying for the way they presented.

Dear reader, I could link to that wretched piece, but THAT WOULD BE FUCKED UP, so please refer to this excellent piece on how to write about trans people respectfully by

Rey Katz (they/them)

, instead. 

Some pieces are more even-keeled, less in-your-face with the cruelty. Those pieces are written by authors who say they are “concerned”. They’re all for us trans people living our lives however we wish, they say, but they’re concerned that “transgenderism” is a movement that’s scooping up some cis people who would otherwise be perfectly happy living their cis lives, and that we’re “forcing” these poor innocent cis people to transition. Or maybe the argument is that we’re scooping up unhappy cis people, convincing them that their depression is actually gender dysphoria and will be fixed by transitioning. These pieces are the most insidious, because it is this kind of logic that attracts readers who are not actively hostile towards trans people, but lack the critical thinking skills or insider knowledge to detect the bias and the lies.

Dear reader, I could link to an upsetting opinion piece that ended up in my work inbox, but let me remind you how much I appreciate allies who do the work, instead.

There is a term for this type of writing: concern-trolling, because these authors aren’t really concerned as much as they are scared. And there’s a perfect term for that, too: transphobia. Because literally. These people are afraid. Of us. And yet they’ve covered themselves on this count - “the trans are going to accuse us of transphobia, but we are very friendly to the trans, and accusing us of transphobia is one of their evil tricks!” they yell, as they misgender every trans person they mention and refer to us with subtle slurs that only we will recognize.

Dear reader, I could link to an example of misgendering, but please see this piece about the importance of using the correct pronouns by

Abby Ross

who changed theirs at 78, instead.

Recently these anti-gender pieces focus on people who at one point chose to initiate a gender transition but then, ostensibly, had a “change of heart”. Also known as “detransitioning” - a heavily politicized concept - it’s the idea that the evolution of one’s gender identity post-transition is, paradoxically, a backtracking away from gender exploration. By interviewing people who no longer identify as trans, these pieces present “trans activists” (a term they use as an insult to refer to trans people who would like the right to exist) as members of a cult. I could link to an example of transphobes coopting the detransition narrative, but please engage in complex thinking with this piece by

Devon

and this piece by

Alex

who both address detransitioning as part of an ongoing process to define your identity, instead. 

The contagious cult narrative is pretty much how I was raised to understand homosexuality, so when I hear that we, “the trans”, are using nefarious strategies to recruit members, it’s all too familiar. This was the Soviet Union in the 1980s, and the situation was dire for queers, and remained appalling, remains appalling to this day. I’m about to quote a shocking statistic out loud, but my husband is tired tonight; I am tired; and you, dear reader, aren’t you tired, too?